It’s 6 weeks until The Bastion now. It’s come round so quickly, and yet at times it feels like it will never be over.
I’m starting to struggle now. The physical and mental tiredness is starting to really kick in and I really wish napping at your desk was socially acceptable.
I’m starting to feel really scared. When I started this ‘journey’ (sorry) last year, I never really thought about reaching this point… the point where the end is kind of in sight. The end approaching is absolutely terrifying. What if I can’t do it on the day? What if all the hours and hours and miles and miles weren’t worth it and I can’t do it?
The fear, though, is good for me. It’s the thing that is pushing me on, on, on every week to tick off the sessions. If I miss a session – and, yes, I know that this is ridiculous – I’m scared of the impact it will end up having on the day. Which is totally bonkers. I have done enough big events to know that one missed session isn’t anywhere near the end of the world. “It’s better to be 10% under trained than 1% over trained”, I read the other day. And yet still, the Fear Of Missing Sessions looms large.
It is just what I’m like though, and in many ways, I ought to embrace this obsessive, fearful side of my personality. It’s pushed me through some of the hardest things I’ve done so far.
I was like it for my A-Levels… learning Hamlet pretty much off by heart for fear of not knowing what quote to use; I was like it for my degree… spending hours and hours poring over articles that just might have a nugget of interest for my dissertation for fear of my tutor picking my argument to bits; I am like it when I plan a trip for work… leaving no meeting under planned or journey over looked for fear of looking stupid and letting everyone down.
I need to remember that it often pays off, mostly, being like this, and I am nearly there.
6 weeks to go. That’s plenty of time to sort the things that I found needed sorting at the Grafman – some more time splashing about in my wetsuit, time to get fitted on my bike and time to get faster and stronger at all three disciplines. That’s also plenty of time to let the fear eat me up completely and I can’t let that happen. It’ll only serve to sabotage what I’ve worked so hard so far for.
6 weeks to go. That’s plenty of time to appreciate how far I’ve come and how much I enjoy training for a triathlon, too.
6 weeks to go. 40 days. 40 days and 40 nights. That’s not long really, is it?