This week has been a life-changing week. On Monday, I handed in my last assignments for Uni and, just like that, it was all over. All the hours pouring over journal articles, editing and re-editing, deciding how to sound most clever… at 11am Monday morning it was done. I don’t think any of you will blame me for then preceding to drink a lot of wine and a lot vodka and dancing A LOT.
Now though, I feel like I am in a void and don’t really know what to do with myself. I am super tired, and have decided that this week is an allowed write-off. Sometimes I think you just need to stop. Stop, and be kind to yourself. Lots of things have been going on and I have been struggling to shut out negativity, as well as not succumb to it myself.
Uni was a strange experience for me. My first year was, without doubt, the hardest year of my life so far: I fell into dark places that I didn’t know would happen to me. I am proud of myself for coming out the other side. This week has allowed me to reflect on how my life has changed in such a short space of time, and I truly believe that running and exercise was a huge catalyst to the happiness I found after sinking very low in 2009/2010. When I ran the marathon in 2011, I was still very close to the edge of tipping into an eating disorder, and although running meant I did eat better, I still found it difficult to allow myself to fuel my body properly. I passed out in that marathon, and although it was really hot that day, and I didn’t really hydrate properly during the race, I know that part of the reason I passed out was because I simply didn’t have energy inside me to get me round 26.2 miles. I finished though, and I think that that was the turning point for me. Being a fool around food was not going to make me a better person, or help me achieve anything I really wanted to. I still have my struggles with food, and too often see it solely as fuel , which can make if difficult to be sensible when I’m injured but I think I am beating off the thoughts that I used to have 3 years ago with a strong, badass stick. Looking back, passing out that day was probably the best thing that could’ve happened to me. Funny how things work.
Going to Write This Run at the weekend really inspired me too. I am now going to do what I want to do – not what other people think I should do, or what would be the safe option. It’s not going to be easy, but I know I can do it. Hey, I can run marathons! I can do anything! Write This Run also made me really want to join a proper running club and meet more people like me: obsessive about the sport that has changed the way that they are and the way they see the world.
I am ready for you, big wide world. Bring it on.